[Editor's note: Hmmmmm, After 3 weeks, WB is 4-9 with his picks. Not so hot my friends, not so hot. Is Vegas and it's spreads too much for the Boy of Wonder to handle?]
Well, well, well, Raleigh. Here we are, about to dive into Week 4, Skeeson IV, and it’s already official: “I completely SUCK A$$ at making picks!!” Maybe it’s fun for you fools to read these. Maybe it’s not. Maybe you look forward to WonderBoy’s World every week. Maybe you’d rather Farrell papercut the skin between your fingers and toes (Jacka$$-style) before you read another one of these thangs. (If you prefer this last option, you need a hug. ‘Nuff said…) Regardless, one thing’s fo’sho’ people. WonderBoy picking a match correctly is about as likely as Farrell winning a Champion’s Chalice in Charlotte… Umm, WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!! Farrell just DID win the Chalice in Charlotte so go f*ck yourselves!!! (…only a figure of speech Raleigh. Calm down…) You thought I was giving up, didn’t ya. You thought the pressure of picking against a spread got to me already. Umm, yea right! If I’m goin down, I’m goin down swingin! WB’s bringin the pain this week!!! No more jackin around with picks. No more makin random-a$$ guesses. No more makin sh*t up about people all of a sudden magically finding their 40. These picks are EXACTLY what I think’s gonna happen…prepare yourselves suckas!!! (Yea, umm, yea, I’m still gonna guess my a$$ off. HA!)
Before I dive into this, however, two things need to occur:
1) I called Gatskee out last week and bet him, on WonderBoy’s World, that Ashley (SkeeFF’s) would beat him straight up. I lost the bet. I paid the man. But that’s not all I’m gonna say ’bout that….Oh no, no, no. For some reason, The Great Gatskee played for a different team that night (I know, right? WTF?!) and managed to not actually roll 1on1 vs. Ashely, who mind you, actually rolled with HER team. Let that marinate for a bit, Raleigh, cuz that doesn’t make any sense to this guy either! A bet’s a bet though…good rollin Gatskee.
[Ed's note: Huh?!?!? Gatskee played for another team and not his own?!?!? WTF is going on in Raleigh while I'm not there? Sigh. I guess I'll crack some skulls and straighten things out this week.....]
2) Hey Law! I hate you like I hate Scotty the Body. Nice win last week d*ck! WonderBoy, 2. The Law, 1. I’m shakin the hell outta that Miller Lite I owe you!! Just kidding, my fellow rollers…The guy dropped a 44 or a 45 in frame 10, last week, to take the WB down. That’s called earnin your cerveza!! Nicely done, Law.
Bye – Skee Generation X and The Skeetuation
6:30
Lane 1 – Closing the Askeevement Gap vs. Show Me The Monskee (-160)
Have I mentioned before that I hate big spreads?! Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! Yes, Raleigh, that was a temper tantrum… Show Me the Monskee covers. Why you ask? I’m. Not. Tellin!!!! Deal with it…
Lane 2 – Skeetuation vs. SpiderMonkskees (-35)
A little birdie told me this match ain’t gonna happen this week (scheduling conflict)…It SHOULD happen, though, at some point cuz I think it could be a good one. Juuust sayin, Farrell. Juuust sayin.
[Editor's note: Skeetuation requested this as their BYE week forever ago but I forgot until after I sent WB the schedule. So SpiderMonkskees will instead be playing the most fun team in the history of skeeball teams. It's a surprise team, but they're gonna have fuuuuunnnn!]
7:30
Lane 1 – Cataskeena (-15) vs. Sweet Baby Skeezus
Awwwwww sh*t!! Here we go fools! I know you’re all chompin at the bit, wondering how I’m gonna pick my own match this week. I know you’re on the edge of your seat in anticipation right now. Ok, maybe you don’t give a flying f*ck, BUT I DO! I give a flying f*ck cuz I’m actually wondering how the hell I’m pick it MYSELF!!! Yea, I’m totally serious…As I’m writing this little gem (Is it really a gem WB? Is it really?), I have no idea which way I’m goin with this one. Alright. Here’s what I’m gonna do. A friend of mine mentioned last week that I should “guarantee” a match every time I do these picks. He also said he’s gonna kick me in the junk if I don’t get my pick record to .500 or better by the end of the Skeeson. (…and I totally believe him!) This guarantee will go as follows: I pick a match. I stamp the guarantee. If I’m right, nothing happens. If I’m wrong, the team I picked against gets either a round of shots or a bucket of beer on me! Consider this match STAMPED b*tches!!! I’m callin MYSELF out this week!! Symbol and Mary, you two do what you do. WonderBoy is goin OFF Thursday night!! Cataskeena wins and covers… Ya heard?!
[Ed's note: I hope Panda and Becca step their game up and totally dominate you, take their free beers, kick you in the junk, and then make you buy them shots too. ]
Lane 2 – SkeeFA (-25) vs. Skeet Er Done
Alrighty. This one’s a toughy. I’m sayin this comes down to Dana (SkeeFA) and Jessica (Skeet Er Done). The roller that shows up better between these two is key to the match-up. So who’s it gonna be? Dana or Jessica? Dana or Jessica? I’m going with Dana. I’m totally biased though. If you recall Raleigh, Keith recently fired me as his mentor and went out on his own. Well, Dana scooped me up once he found that out…even though rolling arm development is a painstaking process, Dana shows Lane 2 what’s up and SkeeFA covers.
**You laugh?? I’ll bet anyone that Dana rolls his best game of the Skeeson on Thursday night… I’ll take that bet from the first person to comment on the website with a reasonable wager. (I determine what’s reasonable. I make the rules. Tough sh*t)
8:30
Lane 1 – Skee FF’s vs DJ Pauly Skee (-15)
I’m gonna pass on this one. I’m pretty sure Mark (DJ Pauly Skee) isn’t gonna be there on Thursday, and without knowing who his sub’s gonna be, I don’t like the pick. Hey, my record sucks a$$, remember peeps?! I gotta try somethin to right the ship, don’t I?
Lane 2 – Skee Huggers vs. Nice Shoes ( -120)
This one’s nearly impossible to pick!! (Thanks Farrell Vegas!!) Reason being, I’m still not sure who the hell’s on Nice Shoes!!! I’ve got a guess for this week, though. If I go with my guess, I’m thinkin Nice Shoes has a good chance to cover. If my guess on who rolls for the Shoes is wrong, my pick’s probably wrong too. Awwww f*ck it! Nice Shoes covers…cuz I said so!!!
[Ed's note: Your guess is right. Skee Huggers are probably going to have the most fun and shot-filled skeeball match of their careers. I'm still not sure Raleigh is ready for Thursday.....]
9:30
Lane 1 – 867-5skee09 (-10) vs Skee Amigas
Here’s an interesting situation (Situation!!). How much can you judge a team by their efforts during a make-up week? I ponder this…I ponder this because 867-5skee09 dropped a huge-normous score last week, but they didn’t have an opponent. I’m not takin anything away from them for putting up the number they did (Read: I definitely AM takin somethin away from them because it was done with a sub!! Booooo!), I’m just sayin it’s different. With all that said though, Adam (867-5skee09) now officially scares me more than anyone in the league. (Sorry Kristin. You only scare me a little now.) And that alone is enough for me to pick 867-5skee09 to cover and take the “W”, no question. The real question is: Will I ever be able to beat Adam again 1on1?
[Ed's note: No, you are now Adam's b*tch forever. He owns you.]
Lane 2 – Kelly Kapowskees (-15) vs. Skeechers
Well hello there 930pm, Lane 2 Match. How are ya? My name’s WonderBoy. Pleasure to meet ya. Guess what, YOU’RE THE “GET YA POPCORN READY MATCH” of Week 4!!!! How ya like me now?!?!? HA!!! Here’s the deal: I really, REALLY like this match-up cuz of all the questions out there. Questions you ask? Behold: Scotty the Body (Kapowskee) sh*t the bed last week, but his skeemates showed up. Does that happen again? Jose (Skeechers) fell off significantly from Week 2. Does the fall continue? Spencer (Kapowskee) decided he was gonna wipe the Week 2 vomit from his chin and break the 300 barrier. Does that happen again? How will Jose’s skeemates roll? Hell if I know?! What I do know is Kelly Kapowskee covers. I just have no idea how close it’s gonna be… I suggest you check it, check it, check it out Raleigh, to see if I’m right!
10:30
Lane 1 – Dynaskee (-115) vs HISkee positive
The only reason I’m hesitant in this pick is because, as he showed Farrell last week, CT gets pissed the hell off when someone calls him out. Example: CT ran his mouth after Week 2. Farrell proceeded to call CT out in the skeemail. CT said “F*ck you B Feezy” and rolled what I think was his best non-$$$ ball week EVER in Week 3. Here’s the thing though, WB’s got insider info… I know DK’s coming straight from the airport to the lanes (That’s gonna suck big time!). I know O’Face is gonna be near blackout by 10:30pm (Hiiiii O’Face! Don’t get mad. You know I’m right!). And I’m not sold CT can drop another game like that (You’re just not gonna CT, sorry bout it…) Add all that together, plus the fact that the AIDS crew put in some quality practice time (Practice?! You talkin bout practice?!) last week and H.I.Skee covers the spread. They lose the match, but they cover…
Lane 2 – Big Lebowskees vs Skee Baggers (-50)
I’m not feelin this one. I’m still gonna pick it, but I’m not feelin it. I think Skee Baggers cover, but I have no idea why. Does my pick count if I have no reason for picking it? It sure does Raleigh!!! Hell, all of these are guesses anyway!!! Skee Baggers cover. If I’m wrong, it definitely isn’t the first time and won’t be the last!
Do work Raleigh,
WonderBoy
